weightless

The unthinkable..

So we are all on this journey, constantly battling with ourselves against what to eat and what not to eat, how much exercise to take part in and punishing ourselves when we rest. We will usually get into a routine but as a student myself i find it very hard to keep on the straight and narrow when I am surrounded by people with metabolisms directly reflecting a racehorse and who like to drink frequently. Don’t get me wrong i love a good night out but once a week at most i’m a lot more conscious of eating healthy and being up early to workout which is a shame i guess when you look at it in the big scheme of things; some may say I’m “sacrificing my uni experience” but really its because i enjoy it. I’m know as the strong one and i want to keep it that way. 

Unfortuantely i am a secret eater, and i’m sure I’m not the only one. Day to day i keep in a routine, take note of my meals and wear a heart monitor when i work out however when i drink i eat and i eat A LOT. I take the opportunity to blame it on my drunk alter-ego and go for it. Luckily i don’t head to McDonalds like the majority of fellow pissheads but instead i raid my home cupboards for any for of carb. Bread, pasta, pitta, nutella, peanut butter all layered with a tonne of sauce and butter. Now there are 2 problems here, firstly i hate sauce and butter and would never eat them in any normal circumstance, secondly I’m a celiac and suffer from it very badly. This then leads on to the next day where my next excuse is..”oh I’m hungover” therefore i need lots of greasy food. Normally a normal human would stop at a full english or a bacon nutty, but for some reason i take the opportunity to eat all of these foods repeatedly throughout the day until i feel sick or i have to go to bed. 

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I don’t know if this is because i don’t allow my these on a regular basis so i want them more or if i really just have no will power but I’ve done it for as long as I can remember. This week has been particularly bad, although i have worked out everyday there is no way it could cancel out the amount of crap i have eaten/drunk in the past 48 hours. Infact its been Wednesday till Sunday. Poor effort. This has led to my decision to go on a 2 week detox starting from this very moment until February the 14th. No alcohol, no sugar, no carbs..sounds delicious doesn’t it. The unlucky thing is your mind has a power greater than anything else, i’ll look at myself daily and think “I hate myself but i’m not huge” and happily tuck into something revolting. This happens daily andy hat is why i make no proress. In summer i don’t crave food, i drink tanks of water and sweat pretty much 24/7 leading to a figure i am comfortable with my mid August. I said to myself after Summer 2013 i’m not going back to the old, fat me who couldn’t even get her belt onto the last hole. It took a lot of dedication to lose that weight and I can relate with anyone who feels like they are fighting a losing battle. This is why i am going to do this. Just 2 weeks to prove to myself i can do it!! Rumour has it if you can break a habit for 22 days then you no longer crave it. I have given up chocolate for over a month now and i’m still going strong. 

Come on a join me..do it for the: 

You got skinny or You look great or Wow she’s hot

but most importantly do it for yourself and to fit your clothes. I was sorting out my wardrobe today and my friend pointed out that i don’t wear half the stuff. Thats because i like to wear the stuff that fits me, baggy jumpers and comfy jeans. None of these tight leggings or crop jumpers. 

 

R ‘Thunder’ xo

Me, Myself & I “Thunder”

There I am, the one in the Orange Jacket, enjoying a coffee in the sunshine in my first week back at University after the Summer. I am a 20yr old student, now in 2nd Year at university in Oxford. Looking back I was probably quite content here. After losing nearly 2 stone over the 4 month break i was probably in the best shape i’ve ever been but it’s not always been like that.  
ImageFor as long as I can remember my fiends have always called me “thunder thighs”, which is true. I do have very large thighs which have a story of their own. When i was 11 i took up athletics competitively full time. Not through school but through a full time trainer; an ex common wealth athlete, who took on a small group us to pass on his knowledge and talent. I quickly realised i had a talent and was consistently winning my competitions both for multi and single events. I continued to train for a further 5years; moving through 3 different clubs and 2 trainers. I finally reached my peak when i was 16, acing my personal bests. Training was 6 times a week, which involved a regular McDonalds every Tuesday and Thursday at the nearby drive-through, much to my mothers dismay. On 22nd June 2009 all my dreams came crashing down. I was representing England in the Long Jump and had to jump 5.07 to qualify, i had done it in practice many times before and was confident this would be the day i would be going to the European Championships abroad. 

Two no-jumps and 1 poor jump later, i missed out on the 7 potential places by 1cm; any athlete can understand how devastating it feels, especially in a discipline such as long-jump where board placement is so crucial. From that moment on, I have never stepped on a track since. 

This was and still is the biggest mistake of my life to date.

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This is one of my favourite pictures from all the years. As you can imagine after training 6 times a week as well as being in school full time and school sports i was tiny but as soon as i stopped the weight piled on. My eating habits remained and my fitness was reduced significantly. As the change didn’t happen over night it wasn’t until my clothes didn’t start to fit me that i noticed. Along with this i was still growing and moved to boarding school where they were “generous” with food. Easter 2011 I went on a 4 week family holiday and came back 1 ½ stone lighter. I practically starved myself and ran on the beach everyday, i was sick and it was not maintainable. Within 6 months the weight had come back, plus some more. I lost a bit in my 1st semester of Uni but in the 2nd Semester i reached the heaviest i’d ever been; i was miserable and self conscious. My clothes didn’t fit, i didn’t want to go out, i would eat in private and i did nothing about it. In the summer of 2013 I went on 2 family holidays and travelled around Europe for 1 month. I lost all the weight and probably became the fitest I have ever been in my life; but it wasn’t easy.

I said to myself I would never go back there; why did i put myself through all that pain and handwork for nothing. Its now coming to the end of January 2014 and although i have probably put on 6lbs I am now at a flatline. I train 5-7 times a week and eat healthy for 80% of my day.

I am now at a weight plato that i can’t seem to move away from. Im going to try new nutrition techniques and increase my cardio to see if i can drop the pounds back to where i feel happy and confident.

Although many will think ‘oh, i’d love to look like you’ everyone has their own insecurities and goals which we must respect. I am happy and healthy and most of all grateful for both of these qualities but every day it is the first and last thing i think about. 

My aim is to improve every day, inspire and help others, share my passion for exercise but most of all premote health and well-being.

If you don’t have health – You don’t have anything.

R “Thunder” x